When Busyness Becomes a Trap: Why I Can’t Sleep Early

Today, I found myself reflecting on a struggle that has lingered for years—my inability to sleep early. It’s like an ongoing battle where I know the enemy, but somehow, the strategies I deploy always miss the mark.

For the longest time, I believed this was all because of my workload. I used to bury myself in tasks—some necessary, most self-imposed—thinking I was being productive. But now, I see it for what it was: a way to avoid stillness. Perhaps it was the fear of idleness or the illusion that busyness equaled progress.

In the last few months, I’ve tried to limit this behavior. I’ve consciously chosen not to create artificial workloads for myself, hoping it would lead to better rest and peace of mind. But the reality is...it hasn’t worked. Sleep still evades me. My mind still finds ways to keep itself occupied, often with things that feel productive but, in hindsight, are completely counter-productive.

Even tonight, I catch myself stuck in this cycle—chasing productivity in random tasks, convincing myself it’s meaningful, while knowing deep down that it’s not. The result? A restless mind and a tired body.

Maybe it’s time to redefine what productivity means to me. Maybe it’s not about ticking boxes but about knowing when to step back, let go, and just be. Perhaps rest itself is the productivity I’ve been avoiding all along.

I don’t have the answers yet, but for now, I’ll start small. Maybe a book before bed. Maybe a few minutes of silence. Maybe just giving myself permission to stop, without guilt.

Here’s to hoping for better nights and quieter thoughts.

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